An Italian Notebook original article.

“First impressions are so important. And in Naples it’s the vegetable antipasti that belt our a trumpet fanfare for the dishes that follow.

“The bright and shiny skins of tomatoes from northern Europe promise much but deliver only bland and wooly interiors.  Instead, make a food pilgrimage to Vesuvian soil and savor the pomodorini grown in Campania.  What’s so special? The siren song of volcanic minerals in every local vegetable.

“If not bruschetta, or a platter of eggplant, carrots or zucchini presented under a film of olio al peproncino (chili oil), choose a plump, delicately-scented mozzarella combined with prosciutto.  The local white wine. Falanghina, provides essential counterpoint.

Or order any vegetable antipasto della casa, most often a self-serve buffet affair, and brace yourself for a veritable Hallelujah Chorus to set before you!”

A lot has been said about olives and most of it has to do with extra virginity.

So imagine my surprise to find that olives have sex! (Well, not actually the olives) But never having considered the intimacy of olive trees, I was flabbergasted to discover that olive trees are either male or female.

So how does one distinguish the machos from the maidens? First of all the male trees are bigger, stronger, have more vegetation and are a darker shade of green; the females are slimmer and more silvery in color. (does this sound familiar?)  The shape of their fruit is also revealing: the male olives are longer and pointy whereas the females are more rotund. (hmmm…)

The correct proportion of males to females is one in ten (which doesn’t seem fair) but then pollination occurs by means of the wind.

This discovery has left me very upset. Is there nothing sacred anymore? My perception of olive groves has been shattered!  Just imagine: those wise, ancient, dignified and austere beings - are actually having an orgy!

(After this article was published on Italian Notebook I received an email from a reader who, in an effort to calm me down,  thought he’d better send me THE FACTS about olives.  Many varieties of trees are actually self-pollinating (are you thinking what I’m thinking?)  However, I have heard the male/female version so many times from local oil producers here in Campania, that I’m assuming ours must be the latin lover variety!)